Child Alters And The Golden Butterfly

You may read in several different places that alters including child alters aren’t real and should not be treated as such. I think this is absolutely insane. I would like to share with you something that happened to me just recently.

I have several child alters two of which I would consider the main ones. I have promised my alters that I would not mention there names on here, so for the purpose of this story lets call them Gaby and Cali. Gaby is 6 almost 7 and Cali just turned 6. Keep in mind that alters never age, they remain the same age they were when they were created. I do think that my mind created these alters to be my companions (friends) so that I wasn’t alone all the time. Unfortunately that means that they too, were hurt in unthinkable ways. Cali was the first alter that I know of but shortly after she was created she was unable to deal with the abuse that was being done to us and she went into hiding. She still came out when I need her but it was always after we had been abused. She helped me deal with the physically pain left in the aftermath of the abuse. So she definitely did her share. When Cali became unable to handle the actual abuse my mind created Gaby. Gaby is so much different than Cali. Cali is quite and mild mannered she is too afraid of doing something wrong that she hardly ever steps out of line. Gaby on the other hand is quite a handful. She speaks her mind and always keeps me on my toes. She can go from begin sweet and loving to pushing every button that I have. This is due to the fact that she experienced at least 80% of the abuse that I did. Sometimes her and I were both out at the same time and both aware of what was being done to us and other times it was just her who was out, because of this she holds memories that I am not aware of. She holds so much pain that at times I feel sorry that I created her. I have to remind myself that I did not intentional create her, I would never want anyone to have to live that nightmare. All I can do now is try to help ease her pain in some way.

I have always felt like Gaby was searching for something. She often goes on walks when she is out almost like she is searching for something and up till now I had no idea what she was looking for.

I have a very dear and close friend, who I would be lost without. Gaby and Cali look to her as a mother. Cali was talking to her one night and told her that Gaby was looking for something when she went on walks, but she didn’t know what it was. My friend started paying attention to things Gaby was talking about and noticed that she was asking a lot about flowers. My friend asked me if this meant anything to me. As soon as she said it I remembered it vividly. One night when we were being hurt one of the men who hurt us told us that if we found a golden butterfly that all the abuse would stop. He told us that golden butterflies like golden flowers. Now, I at the time knew just how false this was and never paid any mind to what he had said. Poor Gaby, on the other hand. took him seriously. For all these years she has been looking for this golden butterfly. Even though or abuse happened a long time ago. See, Gaby still has awful nightmares, almost as if she gets stuck back in that time. She thought that if she found this butterfly that all that would end and it would be like the abuse never happened.

My friend was the one who told her that there wasn’t any golden butterfly. Gaby, as you can imagine was crushed. My friend held her for a long time while she was out the other night while she cried like never before. Gaby is still in a bad way. It is as if that was the last hope she was holding on to. I can feel her pain and sorrow, till it makes me hurt. I hate to think that it was she was looking for all this time. She just knew if she found it, it all would end. I know that with the help of my friend that Gaby will come back around and be able to work through the pain that she holds, so that we all can completely heal form the past one day. But for me to say that her feelings and needs should not be validated and Gaby herself should not be treated as real is just crazy. Yes, I know that she is a part of me but she is not me. She has her own thoughts and needs and feelings. She uses her left hand I use my right. She likes hot dogs and I hate them. She hates fish and I love them. She and all other alters need their needs met and their feelings validated in order for everyone to heal. I hope this has provided some insight for you. Feel free to ask questions.

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *